Say It Sis.

During the winter of 2024, I did something I never thought I would do. I cut on my camera and, for the first time, told my testimony to the world. I had shared my story to many friends and family members, including my best friends, husband and immediate family. Once I shared it with them, I began my journey to wholeness, embarking on a quest to get back to a healthy version of myself. I did several rounds of therapy, especially as things came to the surface that I knew I could not deal with on my own.

Still, I had several blockages, particularly in the area of intimacy with my husband. Because I was traumatized and violated in my most vulnerable space, I often struggled with being vulnerable and open when it came to sex. I wanted to talk, have long conversations where I was assured that he wanted me for me, and not just to have a release. I could not reconcile with the fact that he truly wanted to be with me, even though he often reassured me. The triggers were sporadic and unpredictable, which made my husband question whether or not I wanted him. Even with constant reassurance, he still found my words difficult to believe because my actions and constant rejection said otherwise.

Slowly, and I wish I could pin point the exact occurrences, God began to deal with me about sharing my story. In prayer and while journaling, I often found myself talking about being free from shame, and that telling my testimony was my way to liberation. The Bible says in Revelation that we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. I knew that by telling my story, no one would ever have the opportunity to shame me, including me. I needed to set myself free from the guilt, shame, embarrassment and constant reminders of my past experiences.

So I sat down at my table in my office and began writing a brief outline of the things I wanted to say or didn’t want to forget. When I went to record, it took me a few iterations, deep breaths, and moments of reinforcement to speak up.

Telling my testimony was liberating to say the least. Shortly after, I felt liberated. I felt unstoppable! I knew that the shame of my story no longer had power over me. I was truly free indeed. 

I invite you to watch my testimony, and consider telling yours. It won't be easy, but it's not often that things worth doing are. It will take courage, determination and the earnest desire for change. It will require you to step out of your comfort zone into a space of vulnerability that likely landed in in the test. But sis, I promise you, it's worth it.

- Meshele